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Can The Housing Market Really Be Compared To Ice Cream?

Can The Housing Market Really Be Compared To Ice Cream?

Vanilla Ice Cream

I don't know if he's a fan of the "Great British Bake Off" but earlier this week after housing figures were released, prominent London estate agent Peter Rollings, commented in the press:

"The flavour of property price growth across the country is more "vanilla" than some of the spicier rises we've become accustomed to, with overall average values increasing by only small measures in the month to June".

Now it could be just me but "Vanilla" is not something I have heard in relation to the housing market before! Like most readers of the infamous EL James "Grey" trilogy, I did know it stood for an unadventurous life between the sheets but apart from that "Vanilla" to me refers most commonly to ice cream.

As we all know, in the past, estate agents have been renowned for developing a language of their own when it comes to descriptions of their properties for sale and the use of "vanilla" by Mr Rollings reminded me of the Glossary of Jargon published on their website by eMoov back in 2013. At the time, their website founder Russell Quirk, said it was time for agents "to be straight with British home owners". I wonder if his challenge was ever taken up or do we really still see "bijou" instead of the more blunt description, "tiny"?

For those that didn't see it and would like a chuckle, this is a selection from eMoovs glossary:

Estate agent speak: "The property has excellent transport links"

Translation: There's a motorway and or busy railway line right next to it

Estate agent speak: "In need of modernisation"

Translation: This property hasn't been updated since the 1970s and needs a complete refit

Estate agent speak: "An ideal purchase as your first three-bedroom home"

Translation: You can barely fit a bed into the third bedroom

Estate agent speak: "Set within a purpose-built residential development"

Translation: This property is in the middle of a large housing estate

Estate agent speak: "A cosy property in a rural location"

Translation: This property is small and the nearest shop is 20 minutes' drive away

Estate agent speak: "Conveniently located"

Translation: Next door to a busy main road and above a take away

Estate agent speak: "Unexpectedly re-available"

Translation: Previous buyer pulled out at the last minute due to major problems or survey revealed property was vastly overpriced

Estate agent speak: "Reduced"

Translation: Desperate

Estate agent speak: "Within easy reach of local schools"

Translation: Kids will congregate outside your house at lunchtime and drop litter all over your driveway

Estate agent speak: "Ideal for the first-time buyer or as a buy-to-let investment"

Translation: The property's small and in a terrible area

Estate agent speak: "Tremendous scope for improvement. A real blank canvas"

Translation: Derelict

Estate agent speak: "In need of some updating and offered with no onward chain"

Translation: An old lady has recently died in the house and it hasn't been decorated since she originally moved in 50 years ago

Estate agent speak: "A garden flat"

Translation: A dark and most probably damp basement flat

Estate agent speak: "The property has many character features"

Translation: The ceilings are extremely low

Estate agent speak: "Low maintenance rear garden"

Translation: The garden is concrete

Estate agent speak: "New price!"

Translation: This property was massively overpriced in the first place

Estate agent speak: "Character"

Translation: Dilapidated

In the writing of this article, no offence was meant to any of our clients, past, present or future!

Deb Roberts

Written by Deb Roberts

Source Estates IT Ltd

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